Question from student: Sexless dates…

An old student of mine recently emailed me a question concerning date logistics.  I’m reposting my response here (plus some extras) for your education and enjoyment.

My question is, what do you do if you know that on a day 2 it would be logistically impossible to close? I’m familiar with the ideal date scenario, but what if it can’t take that course? Let’s say you only have a couple of hours one afternoon to get the date in, what’s the right way to do it? Is it still worth having? Since there’s no real direction towards which the date leads, what kind of date should you set up?

First of all, there is never any situation in which it is totally 100% impossible to close. I just recently had a date that started far from my apartment only 10 hours before I had to be on a flight to LA and 8 hours before the girl had to be up for a class…and it ended with sex.
At LoveSystems we teach an ideal date scenario designed to make the process of getting to sex as easy as possible, but it shouldn’t be looked at as a “DO IT OR FAIL!” situation. Better to actually meet up with the girl and see what happens. Sometimes you will be surprised with what you can make work in the moment if you just trust your instincts. That’s the spirit of improv and it is where a lot of my best closes have come from.

Is the date still worth having? Well, that’s up to you. What do you want to accomplish? If you are trying to live your life only meeting up with women so that sex can happen in the quickest possible amount of time? Well, then this might not be worth your effort. However, maybe you are looking for a girlfriend, or want to practice your attraction and comfort material, or simply want to get more comfortable interacting with women, or want to figure out new ways to physically escalate, or want to build your social circle, or want to work on pattern building and using genres (techniques I teach in my Humor, Improv and Attraction seminar) <—-shameless plug In all of these situations and more the date is totally worth it.

Assuming you can’t have the date at night and it can’t include multiple venues or alcohol, I would still try to make the meet up at a restaurant where you can sit at the bar so that touching is easier. You can make a lot of process with a girl in this situation even if sex doesn’t happen at the end of the date. Often times it can make sex easier the next time you see them.

It’s important not to be too dogmatic about your dating life. If a girl asks you out in her first text back to you, don’t shoot her down just because you were taught not to bring up the date till the third text! More important than memorizing rules is attacking pickup with a spirit of experimentation. Experimenting is not only fun, but it’s the best way to find the techniques that fit best into your life and personality.

On a side note, those situations where things couldn’t possibly work in your favor tend the make the best stories, whether they work out or not